A Sydney man has wasted his sick day today feeling bad about taking the sickie in which he planned in advance with well-timed coughs in front of his boss yesterday afternoon.

“I started to get anxious about it around 9:04 this morning,” the man said. “Instead of simply enjoying having the house all to myself and masturbating in rooms that are usually off limits, I ended up just pacing around the joint in a state of paranoia.”

What’s worse, he added, is that this isn’t the first time it’s happened.

“I actually got an ulcer from all the worry last time I took a sickie. Next time I’ll make sure I have some Valium handy so I can actually feel well enough to enjoy my sick day.”

The man has said that he will likely be forced to take a day of stress leave tomorrow to get over the ordeal.