Greens push to legalise hard drugs so people will be cooked enough to vote for them

The Greens today has announced a new push to make illicit drugs from cocaine to heroin completely legal. “You should be able to pop down to your local convenience store to pick up an eight ball of fentanyl,” said one Greens senator. “Illicit drugs open your mind to believe everything we say”. Others disagree. “If… Read More Greens push to legalise hard drugs so people will be cooked enough to vote for them

Fast & Furious goes all-electric with sequel Slow & Steady

It was announced today that the next instalment of the popular Fast & Furious movie franchise would consist entirely of electric-powered vehicles. “I know some fans may be disappointed by the switch,” said the film’s director. “But they needn’t worry as there will be more action than ever, thanks to EV batteries randomly exploding out… Read More Fast & Furious goes all-electric with sequel Slow & Steady

Jacinta Price first Aboriginal hated by the left by not doing what they tell her to do

Proud Aboriginal woman, Senator Jacinta Price has become the very first indigenous woman the left is allowed to make fun of for not playing the victim card and wanting to unite Australians as one. Inner-city lefties have called Jacinta Price a puppet for not doing what she is told to do. “How could someone like… Read More Jacinta Price first Aboriginal hated by the left by not doing what they tell her to do

Whoops! Man watches entire skin flick wondering when the girls are going to join in

One local man has made an error in evening film choices after accidentally watching a fruity film, thinking women would eventually turn up. “Dead set, these blokes were going so hard, I thought it would be an incredible bit of cinema once the girls showed up,” said the man. “Unfortunately, no women ever showed up.… Read More Whoops! Man watches entire skin flick wondering when the girls are going to join in

Marvel introduces new superhero Captain Left with her only weakness being facts

Marvel Comics today has announced a brand-new superhero named Captain Left, who will be near invincible to everything except the truth. “Facts weaken Captain Left like Kryptonite would Superman,” said a Marvel spokesperson. “Hearing that some women don’t have a penis could kill Captain Left on the spot.” “Captain Left will also be the loudest… Read More Marvel introduces new superhero Captain Left with her only weakness being facts

Children wearing replica pro wrestling belts are now required to defend their title

Children wearing replica pro-wrestling title belts in public must defend their title under strict new sports entertainment laws introduced today. Unfortunately, six children wearing replica belts in public are currently being treated in hospital for everything from being powerbombed through a table at McDonald’s to submitting to a figure-four leg lock around a no-parking sign… Read More Children wearing replica pro wrestling belts are now required to defend their title

Women slowly moving away from feminism as World War III looms

Women across Australia have been slowly moving away from feminism, fearing being drafted to fight and die for their country if World War III strikes. “I’m all for equality,” said one former feminist. “But being conscripted to fight and bleed out from shrapnel in a muddy field isn’t the sort of equality I want.” Some… Read More Women slowly moving away from feminism as World War III looms