Ropeable school leavers have demanded refunds after discovering Club Med is not a live-in nightclub offering prescription medications like Valium, oxycodone and methadone.

“I didn’t come here to drink cocktails, I came here to swallow them,” one angry school leaver said. “I’ve been in touch with my dad’s lawyer and he thinks we have a strong case against the resort for false advertising.”

A Club Med spokesperson said the company “understood the confusion”, especially given the dazed state many of its middle-aged visitors with young children exhibit, and invited the teens to stay and get a glimpse of where their lives were heading before deciding if they still wanted to celebrate leaving school.