Twitter adds “thought CAPTCHAs” to protect users from opposing thought

Twitter today has announced a new security measure by adding thought CAPTCHAs to block ideas or arguments that challenge the leftist echo chamber safe space before they happen. “Our thoughts and opinions are so airtight that we simply can’t allow exposing our users to other viewpoints,” said one Twitter representative. “So, it’s best we cancel… Read More Twitter adds “thought CAPTCHAs” to protect users from opposing thought

Man can’t wait to sign off work computer to sign in to home computer

One desk jockey today said he couldn’t wait to knock off work so he could log out of his office computer and spend quality time with his home computer. “Mindlessly scrolling on my work computer simply doesn’t give me the hit it does on my home computer,” said the man. “I’m looking at the same… Read More Man can’t wait to sign off work computer to sign in to home computer

“We can’t tell men to stop rooting multiple men” says government that stopped everybody doing anything for two years

Despite monkeypox disproportionately affecting gay men, the government says there’s nothing they can think of possibly doing to prevent a virus transmitted mainly through gay sex between men, despite banning everything from dancing to drinking a beer upright for Covid. “Gay sex with multiple partners is deemed an essential activity,” said one government spokesperson. “So,… Read More “We can’t tell men to stop rooting multiple men” says government that stopped everybody doing anything for two years

Woman wearing “Love is Love” badge hates everybody

It has been confirmed today that an inner-city straight white female wearing several “Love is Love” badges, in fact, hates everybody. One gay man said he was met with scorn from the self-proclaimed spreader of tolerance for “not being gay enough”. “She said I was a sexuality traitor after I told her I have zero… Read More Woman wearing “Love is Love” badge hates everybody

Woke fail as NRL jersey depicting Muhammad rejected by everybody

Another move intended to make Rugby League teams look good by pandering to minority groups has failed today, as the Canterbury-Bankstown Bulldogs revealed their new jerseys for Islam Round – featuring an image of the Prophet Muhammad – offended everybody in Australia. Visual depictions of the Prophet Muhammad are banned, leading to every single player… Read More Woke fail as NRL jersey depicting Muhammad rejected by everybody

Children rejoice as Joe Biden loses sense of smell after catching Covid

It has been confirmed today that US president Joe Biden has contracted Covid, despite having hourly vaccine shots to fight off the virus and wearing at least seven adamantium face masks at all times. Joe Biden’s symptoms are reported to be mild. However, in a devastating blow to the president’s love of smelling children’s hair… Read More Children rejoice as Joe Biden loses sense of smell after catching Covid

Progressive tradie identifies as oi/c*nt 

One local tradie today has chosen the pronouns of oi/cunt, claiming anybody who rejects the tradesmxn’s gender identity is a bigot who should be cancelled and have their and their family’s life ruined on Twitter. His fellow tradies have labelled the move as pointless attention-seeking. “That’s what we call the cunt anyway,” said one colleague.… Read More Progressive tradie identifies as oi/c*nt