One local man was furious today after wasting his lunch break getting an authentic Thai massage at a Thai massage parlour.

“The masseuse suddenly said I was done, but I was far from finished,” the man said. “She massaged every part of my body except the one part that was standing to attention.”

The man says he plans to warn others about his misfortune by writing a damning review online after receiving a massage that failed to relieve his swollen love muscle.

The NSW Fair Trade ombudsman said the investigation had been given top priority. “I’m appalled by the actions of this so-called parlour,” the ombudsman said.

“The good news is that, for once, local, state and federal government all agree action needs to be taken immediately.”

The man is currently being treated in intensive care for chronic blue balls, while the establishment has been ordered to remove their flashing “open” sign which draws men like moths.