Controversial Australia Day draft set to debut In Melbourne

This Australia Day is set to see Melbourne debut a new draft, aimed at celebrating Australia’s multicultural history by ranking the population based on their ethnic and historical ties to the nation. The Australia Day Draft will base each individual’s ranking upon the length of time they’ve been Australian citizens, with recent arrivals considered either… Read More Controversial Australia Day draft set to debut In Melbourne

NRL Star embroiled in scandal after Nazi salute footage surfaces

Fresh off leaked photos of NSW Premier Dominic Perrottet dressed in Nazi uniform, the National Rugby League has become embroiled in its’ latest off-season scandal, with footage emerging of a former player and crowd favourite appearing to perform a “Hitler salute”. Former NRL star Mark “Piggy” Riddell has come under fire after footage surfaced of… Read More NRL Star embroiled in scandal after Nazi salute footage surfaces

Man prepares stories for ‘what did you do this Weekend?’ questioning

A local man who accomplished nothing over the weekend is having a late one brainstorming exciting stories to tell colleagues when they ask what he got up to during his two days of freedom. “I spent the entire weekend home alone boozing, playing video games, eating, and… worse,” the man said. “People who leave the… Read More Man prepares stories for ‘what did you do this Weekend?’ questioning

Pokies by The Sea to compete with Sculpture by The Sea

Maroubra council is set to launch Pokies by the Sea, a new beach-side exhibition designed to rival the hugely popular Sculpture by the Sea event that takes place along the coastal walk between Bondi to Bronte. Organisers have promised to include “all the classic titles, such as Big Red and Lightning Cash” in the exhibition,… Read More Pokies by The Sea to compete with Sculpture by The Sea

Unattractive bloke now “cute” hipster

Ordinary-looking men are converting to Hipsterism en masse after discovering their odds of pulling a Ron Coote is a sure thing by donning ironic football beanies, wearing clear-brimmed glasses, smoking White Ox, and speaking with vocal fry. Combined with bum-fluff moustaches for skinny Hipstorians, or full beards for portly Hipbros, these men now have to… Read More Unattractive bloke now “cute” hipster

REPORT: nobody cares where you stick your dong

It has been revealed today that nobody cares where or who consenting adults decide to throw their bellend into during the darker hours.  “I’ve popped my diamond cutter into plaster surgical gloves, a rotisserie chicken, and a greengrocer’s worth of fruit,” said one man. “It’s not pride. It’s not sin. It’s just what it is.”… Read More REPORT: nobody cares where you stick your dong

Man furious after discovering legit Thai massage parlour

One local man was furious today after wasting his lunch break getting an authentic Thai massage at a Thai massage parlour. “The masseuse suddenly said I was done, but I was far from finished,” the man said. “She massaged every part of my body except the one part that was standing to attention.” The man… Read More Man furious after discovering legit Thai massage parlour

Retail workers permitted to fight one customer per day under new laws

Retail workers across Australia are now permitted to fight one customer per day to the death, which retail staff have said is well overdue. “It’s going to be tricky determining who to cash my fight allowance on,” said one retail worker. “But I tell you what, I will sure make it counts.” The Minister for… Read More Retail workers permitted to fight one customer per day under new laws