Retail workers permitted to fight one customer per day under new laws

Retail workers across Australia are now permitted to fight one customer per day to the death, which retail staff have said is well overdue.

“It’s going to be tricky determining who to cash my fight allowance on,” said one retail worker. “But I tell you what, I will sure make it counts.”

The Minister for Shopping praised the move, saying front-line workers often cop the brunt of aggression from those who believe they are better than those who serve them.

“This will even the playing field,” said the minister. “As if shoppers know they can now be challenged to a death match for disrespecting those earning minimum wage, they’ll think twice before abusing staff or asking to speak to a manager.”

Some shoppers are against the new law.

“I’m a banker and more important than everybody,” said one wanker. “Telling off staff for minor errors makes me feel like a real man. But the possibility of being beat up to a bloody pulp for taking out my frustrations on retail staff dampens the thrill of belittling those under me.”

Some have said they will switch to online shopping to avoid being bashed.

“Buying stuff online means I can leave nasty comments on Google reviews without the threat of having my head caved in,” said one man.

Bar staff are pushing to introduce the same laws, with bartenders allowed to glass one patron a day.

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