A man who walked into a Sydney pub only wanting to use the toilet today ended up downing 50 schooners and a fisherman’s basket and chucking a few gorillas into Top Banana, all because he didn’t want to look like he was “taking the piss”.

“The bloke behind the bar clocked me as I ran straight for the gents, so I couldn’t just walk straight back outside after draining the pee from my balls,” the man said. “It was time to do the right thing and pull up a stump for a day or so.”

The man was so committed to looking like he wasn’t abusing the pub’s toilet that he canned going back to work for the day.

“The barman must’ve known I was only hanging about to be polite, as he told me I’d had enough and asked me to leave when I tried to order schoon number 51.”

Sadly, the man’s wife didn’t appreciate his courtesy and has filed for divorce.