Children’s author Roald Dahl’s timeless classics have been deemed no longer up to scratch with modern times and will now only be available sealed in black plastic within the deepest corners of adult stores amongst marital aids and vibrating trouts. One parent said the move was more overdue than they/them’s expecting husband. “Roald Dahl described Charlie… Read More Classic children’s books now only available at adult stores
Larger-than-life pop star Lizzo has come under fire today for cultural appropriation after taking an Australian name. “I’m deeply offended,” said Sydney local Robbo. “Anything with an O on the end of it is a unique part of Aussie culture – from servo to bowlo. This is as insensitive as that episode of Red Faces… Read More Lizzo slammed for cultural appropriation for using Australian name
A push for more transparency in regards to paid content has lead to a crackdown from the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission on social media content creators. The watchdog has asked the public to identify influencers failing to disclose when their posts are, in fact, paid ads. To date, more than 100 influencers have been… Read More Satire page sweats outcome of ACCC investigation over undisclosed cash-for-satire
This Australia Day is set to see Melbourne debut a new draft, aimed at celebrating Australia’s multicultural history by ranking the population based on their ethnic and historical ties to the nation. The Australia Day Draft will base each individual’s ranking upon the length of time they’ve been Australian citizens, with recent arrivals considered either… Read More Controversial Australia Day draft set to debut In Melbourne
Twitter users are getting in phenomenal physical shape, burning thousands of calories “literally shaking right now” over everything for hours. One user said the results had been nothing short of sorcery. “Every area of my body was a problem area,” said the Twitter user and moderator of r/Australia. “But the weight has been melting after… Read More Twitter users getting shredded by “literarily shaking right now”
The deal will see Australia’s netball team renamed the Blood Diamonds in a move to sound ruthlessly aggressive, rather than convey deadly fourth-world mining practices using child labour. “Coal has nothing to do with the Australian Diamonds,” said a Netball Australia spokesperson, referring to ditching Hancock Prospecting as a major sponsor. “Sure, coal under pressure… Read More Cartels step in to sponsor the Australian Diamonds after pressure to ditch “evil” coal funding
Disney has announced they have recast their founder Walt Disney to suit today’s regressive tastes. “We’ve transitioned from entertainment to re-education,” said Disney spokesperson Peter Phile (alphabet/Funko Pop). “We’ll be tearing down statues of Walt Disney across all our theme parks and erecting family-friendly statues of Walt as a transgender lesbian of colour with a… Read More Walt Disney recast as a black trans lesbian with a club foot
Citizens have begun gluing themselves to climate activists so they’re under constant restraint to prevent further chaos. One man who recently cemented himself to a purple-haired climate soldier said that despite being constantly shamed for everything from eating a ham sandwich to raising children, it’s been worth it. “I’d rather this pest was glued to… Read More Sane people gluing themselves to activists to end climate protests
The most despised day of the week, Monday, has today come out as Friday night in a move labelled stunning and brave. “I’m sick and tired of the Gregorian patriarch introduced in 1582 as a way to dominate, oppress and exploit myself as the day people have to return to work,” Monday said. “And frankly,… Read More Monday comes out as time fluid to identify as Friday night
The Sydney Sentinel 