REPORT: nobody cares where you stick your dong

It has been revealed today that nobody cares where or who consenting adults decide to throw their bellend into during the darker hours.  “I’ve popped my diamond cutter into plaster surgical gloves, a rotisserie chicken, and a greengrocer’s worth of fruit,” said one man. “It’s not pride. It’s not sin. It’s just what it is.”… Read More REPORT: nobody cares where you stick your dong

“We can’t tell men to stop rooting multiple men” says government that stopped everybody doing anything for two years

Despite monkeypox disproportionately affecting gay men, the government says there’s nothing they can think of possibly doing to prevent a virus transmitted mainly through gay sex between men, despite banning everything from dancing to drinking a beer upright for Covid. “Gay sex with multiple partners is deemed an essential activity,” said one government spokesperson. “So,… Read More “We can’t tell men to stop rooting multiple men” says government that stopped everybody doing anything for two years

Woke fail as NRL jersey depicting Muhammad rejected by everybody

Another move intended to make Rugby League teams look good by pandering to minority groups has failed today, as the Canterbury-Bankstown Bulldogs revealed their new jerseys for Islam Round – featuring an image of the Prophet Muhammad – offended everybody in Australia. Visual depictions of the Prophet Muhammad are banned, leading to every single player… Read More Woke fail as NRL jersey depicting Muhammad rejected by everybody

Census reveals self-worship as Australia’s fastest-growing religion

2021 Census data has revealed that most Australians have put themselves down as their own God, labelling thousands of years of humans trying to figure out how to live well as “outdated” and “too much work”. With 84% of Australians identifying as influencers, the trend of self-worship sees no sign of slowing down, with morals… Read More Census reveals self-worship as Australia’s fastest-growing religion