A local man who promised a “big one” with his mates this Saturday night is already tucked into bed and fast asleep at 8 pm. “Things went bad early on when he sharted himself after consuming two shandies at the RSL,” said his friend. “He didn’t even have any party pies in the gaming lounge.”… Read More Man who talked up big Saturday night with the boys already in bed
Poor kids are simply not as nice as their wealthy counterparts, it has been proven once again this morning, with children from low-income families receiving far fewer presents than those from rich families. “Santa couldn’t be clearer on the issue; if you’re on the nice list you get the good presents and lots of them,… Read More Poor Kids on Santa’s Naughty List for 4,000th Year Straight
Australia Post has been deliberately sending the wrong mail to people across the country for years as part of a top-secret nationwide secret Santa program, according to a statement released by the company’s PR team today. “We’ve been secretly bringing the magic of Christmas to people all throughout the year for as long as we… Read More Australia Post Claims Wrongly Delivered Mail Result of Nationwide Secret Santa Program
It’s been a nerve-shattering start to an office Christmas party today as colleagues begin guessing and probing each other to discover who has a bag of white Christmas. One staffer said he was living on an edge harder than anything Aerosmith ever sang about. “I had to have about 70 or so schoons of port… Read More Nervous Start to Christmas Party as Colleagues Wonder who has Cocaine
The controversial WestConnex motorway project has been secretly extended to create an express route from Sydney’s western suburbs to Bondi Beach after researchers found it was the journey most frequently made by “private couriers”, a special Sydney Sentinel investigation can reveal. The extension, dubbed the “drug super high way”, is described as “key to both ensuring the… Read More WestConnex “Drug Super High Way” to be Extended to Bondi Beach
The guests of a man who was set to celebrate his birthday tonight are quietly rejoicing after he sent out a group Facebook message announcing he’d cancelled the party. “A party always sounds like a great idea when it’s a few weeks away but, inevitably, on the day it finally rolls around, I never feel… Read More Birthday Boy Gives Guests Biggest Gift by Cancelling Party at Last Minute
Sydney’s lockout laws have fuelled nightly hours-long speed-drinking sessions as people race to get as drunk as possible before bars and clubs close at 3am. Historians have dubbed it “a marathon version” of the six o’ clock swill that existed from 1916 to 1955, when Sydney-siders pickled themselves into oblivion in the hour between finishing… Read More Sydney’s Lockout Laws Create the Three o’ Clock Swill
A snortable version of paracetamol designed to appeal to the headache-prone millennial market is set to launch in chemists nationally next month, big pharma has announced. The move has been met with mild enthusiasm from the youth market, which experts say indicates that they are wildly excited about the idea. “I get a steaming hangover… Read More Snortable Paracetamol Launched in Bid to Target Millennials
New Year’s Eve celebrations have disappointed people across the world for the 2,018th year in a row, with many revellers waking up with a jolt of fear early this morning. One Sydney-sider described the evening as a lethal cocktail of hope, joy and festivity. “Whenever I’m feeling good, things go really bad,” he said. “I… Read More NYE Disappoints for the 2,018th Year in a Row
The Sydney Sentinel 