Reacting to NSW’s new $25 million Aboriginal flag on top of the Sydney Harbour Bridge, the Victorian government has announced it will not be out-woked by constructing an enormous $25 billion rainbow flag that will cover most of Melbourne. “Cop that, Sydney,” said Victoria’s Minister of Flagpoles. “This $25 billion flag will prove that Melbourne… Read More Melbourne one-ups Sydney by ordering $25 billion rainbow flag
Depression has kicked in for Sydney Light Rail workers as the multi-billion dollar project comes to an end after 22 years. “I can’t even remember what my job was,” one tradie said. “But luckily I haven’t forgotten how to build a solid compo claim.” Another worker slammed his peers for being so lazy. “These men… Read More Light Rail workers depressed about going back to work as project wraps up
Billions of Sydneysiders have returned to work today feeling refreshed hatred for their jobs after experiencing two weeks of life outside the office. One man said he’d always known going to work was “balls”, but that after enjoying such luxuries as seeing his wife and kids and eating lunch away from his keyboard over the… Read More Workers Return from Holidays Feeling Refreshed Hatred for their Jobs
Poor kids are simply not as nice as their wealthy counterparts, it has been proven once again this morning, with children from low-income families receiving far fewer presents than those from rich families. “Santa couldn’t be clearer on the issue; if you’re on the nice list you get the good presents and lots of them,… Read More Poor Kids on Santa’s Naughty List for 4,000th Year Straight
Winfield has described its new Optimum Ice Crush darts as “smokes for a new generation” at a product launch today. The durry features the similar NASA-developed technology as the brand’s Optimum Crush product, which contains a crushable mint pellet that releases a menthol-like taste from first to last drag. A spokesperson said evolving the popular line… Read More Winfield Launches Optimum Ice Crush cigarettes
The parents of a child in primary school have sat through two hours of bad dancing, acting, speeches and musical performances at the end-of-year assembly, without the aid of drugs or alcohol. “It was the longest two hours of our lives but we’re proud of how we handled it,” the father said. “I don’t think… Read More Proud Parents Make it through End-of-year School Assembly without Drugs or Alcohol
Healthy Harold has copped an unadulterated roasting today after admitting he didn’t bother warning 1990s and ’00s kids about ice because he never enjoyed it that much, so he thought it wouldn’t catch on. This isn’t the first time Harold’s underestimated a drug – he was famously transformed into an enormous giraffe puppet after drinking… Read More Whoops! Healthy Harold Didn’t Warn Kids About Ice as he “Didn’t Think it Was That Good”
The NSW Pokies Federation has introduced new laws banning several illegal moves that they say dramatically minimise the need for skill and create an unfair playing lounge. Moves that will be outlawed from today include hitting the spin button with the edge of your schooner glass, switching bet amounts to reset the odds, and tapping… Read More VIP Lounges Ban Hitting Spin with Schooner Glass and Other Cheats
A man died from category-12 shock in front of his computer today after actually receiving the “bobs and vagene pics” he had asked a stranger to send him. A friend of the man said he was just a harmless sex pest who would be missed. “He always started out innocently enough with a ‘hi butiful’ or… Read More Man Dies from Shock after Receiving Bobs and Vagene Pics
The Sydney Sentinel 