Woke fail as NRL jersey depicting Muhammad rejected by everybody

Another move intended to make Rugby League teams look good by pandering to minority groups has failed today, as the Canterbury-Bankstown Bulldogs revealed their new jerseys for Islam Round – featuring an image of the Prophet Muhammad – offended everybody in Australia. Visual depictions of the Prophet Muhammad are banned, leading to every single player… Read More Woke fail as NRL jersey depicting Muhammad rejected by everybody

Sports Just an Excuse for Aussie Men to Cry, Fans Admit

Australia’s obsession with sports may have a direct correlation to social norms discouraging men from crying, according to a new study that found many men considered seeing their team win or lose a game as the only acceptable time to leak from the eyes. “I haven’t cried since Optimus Prime died in the ’86 Transformers… Read More Sports Just an Excuse for Aussie Men to Cry, Fans Admit

Commuters told to tackle people standing side-by-side on escalators

People who ride side-by-side on elevators, blocking those stuck behind them, can expect to be spear tackled by fellow commuters from today, following new rules announced by City of Sydney officials. The move comes after years of research from the University of Bankstown discovered that escalator blockers – along with taxi drivers and Lycra cyclists… Read More Commuters told to tackle people standing side-by-side on escalators

Former Rugby League Player Found Alive at 37

A 37-year-old former prop who played three games professionally before retiring when medics pronounced him a cripple has been found alive and well in his studio apartment in Penrith, in a discovery that has stunned the rugby league world. The man credited his survival to an “unusual ability to follow instructions”, noting that after spending… Read More Former Rugby League Player Found Alive at 37

NRL to Boost Crowds by Putting Retired Legend on Every Team’s Roster

Following the positive reaction to Ruben Wiki’s acceptance into the NRL Nines tournament, the National Rugby League board is drafting an emergency change to the 2017 season requiring all clubs to field a retired player in each game. Players have welcomed the move, with retired star John Hopoate among the first to put his hand… Read More NRL to Boost Crowds by Putting Retired Legend on Every Team’s Roster

Life Still Rubbish For Most Fans Despite Grand Final Win

As the overwhelming joy fans felt while watching their teams win a premiership subsides, life is returning to normal for the majority of West Coast Eagles and Sydney Roosters fans. “I suddenly realised I hadn’t actually achieved anything,” one Sydney Roosters supporter said. “Except for almost beating the pub record of downing 398 schooners in… Read More Life Still Rubbish For Most Fans Despite Grand Final Win

Sharks Fans Promise to Make 2005 Cronulla Riots Look Soft

Cronulla Sharks fans have promised it’s not a Melbourne Storm brewing over Sydney this Sunday, but a black, blue and white tornado that promises to rip through Cronulla and greater Sydney harder than the legendary riots of 2005. A trainee riot spokesperson says 2005 was “just a warm up” and this Sunday they will show… Read More Sharks Fans Promise to Make 2005 Cronulla Riots Look Soft