Controversial Australia Day draft set to debut In Melbourne

This Australia Day is set to see Melbourne debut a new draft, aimed at celebrating Australia’s multicultural history by ranking the population based on their ethnic and historical ties to the nation. The Australia Day Draft will base each individual’s ranking upon the length of time they’ve been Australian citizens, with recent arrivals considered either… Read More Controversial Australia Day draft set to debut In Melbourne

Melbourne one-ups Sydney by ordering $25 billion rainbow flag

Reacting to NSW’s new $25 million Aboriginal flag on top of the Sydney Harbour Bridge, the Victorian government has announced it will not be out-woked by constructing an enormous $25 billion rainbow flag that will cover most of Melbourne. “Cop that, Sydney,” said Victoria’s Minister of Flagpoles. “This $25 billion flag will prove that Melbourne… Read More Melbourne one-ups Sydney by ordering $25 billion rainbow flag

Local who’s “never been wrong” discovers intelligent life inside echo chamber.

A stay-at-home twelfth-year student has discovered comfort in an echo chamber within a TaxiBox storage unit outside his parents’ Sydney chateau. “I’ve finally met that special someone who says exactly what I demand other people think,” the self-proclaimed woke-ologist said. “And that person happens to be the most respected life form I’ve ever met –… Read More Local who’s “never been wrong” discovers intelligent life inside echo chamber.

Melbourne Cup: ignore boss saying to forget work tomorrow and have fun today

The government has issued a scam warning today cautioning workers across Australia to ignore bosses who tell them to enjoy the Melbourne Cup today and not worry about work this afternoon or tomorrow. Unfortunately, it has been confirmed that this is a known scam and your boss will still demand the work you were meant… Read More Melbourne Cup: ignore boss saying to forget work tomorrow and have fun today

Sydney Cafes Outdo Melbourne Cafe’s “Sircharge” for Men by Charging Everyone Extra

Sydney cafe owners have dismissed a Melbourne cafe’s bid to address the gender pay gap by charging men an additional 18 per cent as a “stunt”, noting that true equality means ripping off everyone equally. “We’ve always insisted on charging everyone as much as possible,” one Sydney cafe owner said. “But to prove just how dedicated… Read More Sydney Cafes Outdo Melbourne Cafe’s “Sircharge” for Men by Charging Everyone Extra

Australian Hipsters Celebrate Thanksgiving as Christmas Becomes “Too Mainstream”

One Surry Hills local who hasn’t left his home suburb since visiting Bondi to renew his Icebergs membership, is among a growing number of Australians planning to celebrate the American tradition of Thanksgiving this week. “Everyone in Australia does Christmas – it’s so predictable,” the man said. “I’ve never been to America and I don’t know any… Read More Australian Hipsters Celebrate Thanksgiving as Christmas Becomes “Too Mainstream”

Friendly CBD Café Barista Scares Off Morning Customers

Hundreds of workers based in a prominent city office block have resorted to travelling for their coffee or quit drinking it altogether after an overly friendly barista made it impossible for them to get their daily fix from the café in the foyer of their building. “I have to wake up 20 minutes earlier than… Read More Friendly CBD Café Barista Scares Off Morning Customers

Life Still Rubbish For Most Fans Despite Grand Final Win

As the overwhelming joy fans felt while watching their teams win a premiership subsides, life is returning to normal for the majority of West Coast Eagles and Sydney Roosters fans. “I suddenly realised I hadn’t actually achieved anything,” one Sydney Roosters supporter said. “Except for almost beating the pub record of downing 398 schooners in… Read More Life Still Rubbish For Most Fans Despite Grand Final Win