Twitter adds “thought CAPTCHAs” to protect users from opposing thought

Twitter today has announced a new security measure by adding thought CAPTCHAs to block ideas or arguments that challenge the leftist echo chamber safe space before they happen. “Our thoughts and opinions are so airtight that we simply can’t allow exposing our users to other viewpoints,” said one Twitter representative. “So, it’s best we cancel… Read More Twitter adds “thought CAPTCHAs” to protect users from opposing thought

Progressive tradie identifies as oi/c*nt 

One local tradie today has chosen the pronouns of oi/cunt, claiming anybody who rejects the tradesmxn’s gender identity is a bigot who should be cancelled and have their and their family’s life ruined on Twitter. His fellow tradies have labelled the move as pointless attention-seeking. “That’s what we call the cunt anyway,” said one colleague.… Read More Progressive tradie identifies as oi/c*nt 

Blockade Australia protesters take the day off due to cold weather

Blockade Australia have taken today off from chucking rubbish about the place and screaming at people going to work in the name of the environment, as it was “far too chilly to be outside today in Sydney”. “Not even a hot activated almond soy latte could get me out from under the doona today,” said… Read More Blockade Australia protesters take the day off due to cold weather

Greens leader didn’t stand for Australian flag as knees crook from kneeling to China

Greens Leader Adam Brandt today has revealed the reason he couldn’t stand for the Australian flag was due to his knees being absolutely buggered from kneeling to China. The Greens have said that the communist country poses “no threat to Australia”, further stating that any negativity towards China was “actually racist”, and the Australian government… Read More Greens leader didn’t stand for Australian flag as knees crook from kneeling to China

Local who’s “never been wrong” discovers intelligent life inside echo chamber.

A stay-at-home twelfth-year student has discovered comfort in an echo chamber within a TaxiBox storage unit outside his parents’ Sydney chateau. “I’ve finally met that special someone who says exactly what I demand other people think,” the self-proclaimed woke-ologist said. “And that person happens to be the most respected life form I’ve ever met –… Read More Local who’s “never been wrong” discovers intelligent life inside echo chamber.

The Left Now Siding with No Voters as Poll Reveals They’re the Minority

The left has made a dramatic shift in who they support in the same-sex marriage plebiscite today, after a poll revealed that no voters are a minority group, which automatically qualifies them for complete backing from the left. A spokesperson for the left said determining who to champion and who to destroy is fluid and… Read More The Left Now Siding with No Voters as Poll Reveals They’re the Minority

Woman Wearing “Love is Love” Badge Hates Everyone

An Erskineville local wearing several “Love is Love” badges on her cloth backpack, in fact hates everybody, it has been confirmed today. One gay man said the woman recently responded to a friendly head nod from him with a swift headbutt. “She said I wasn’t gay enough because I wasn’t writing ‘yes’ on the ground… Read More Woman Wearing “Love is Love” Badge Hates Everyone

Calls to Ban Santa for Choosing to be a White Heterosexual Male

Santa Claus has been labelled as highly offensive for choosing to be a white heterosexual male, with furious protest groups demanding him to be banned immediately. “We’ve put up with this macho Santa garbage since the third century,” one person with crippling offended pains said. “We’ve gone to great lengths to ensure that the non-denominational… Read More Calls to Ban Santa for Choosing to be a White Heterosexual Male

Committed Yes Voters Change Minds after Seeing “Vote No” Skywriting

A self-described “rainbow warrior” who proudly tells anyone who’ll listen that she has “a lot of gay friends”, has announced she’ll be voting against same-sex marriage in the postal plebiscite, after being convinced by the “vote no” skywriting in Sydney today. “No amount of reasoned arguing could change my mind but something about seeing it… Read More Committed Yes Voters Change Minds after Seeing “Vote No” Skywriting