Tag: Left

Marvel introduces new superhero Captain Left with her only weakness being facts

Marvel Comics today has announced a brand-new superhero named Captain Left, who will be near invincible to everything except the truth. “Facts weaken Captain Left like Kryptonite would Superman,” said a Marvel spokesperson. “Hearing that some women don’t have a penis could kill Captain Left on the spot.” “Captain Left will also be the loudest… Read More Marvel introduces new superhero Captain Left with her only weakness being facts

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Two grown men still cosplaying as cowboys from Queensland despite Halloween ending

Despite Halloween ending last week, two inner-city Sydney leftist satirists continue larping as cowboys, in spite of having less testosterone than a transitioning cowgirl hooked up to an intravenous estrogen drip. Ignoring that cowboys are famous for their masculine traits, the pair are more feminine than a David Jones cosmetics counter. The duo, known for… Read More Two grown men still cosplaying as cowboys from Queensland despite Halloween ending

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Climate alarmists furious at the Great Barrier Reef for being better than ever

Climate activists are ballistic at the Great Barrier Reef for having the highest coral cover in 36 years. “HOW DARE IT,” said one seetheologist. “The Barrier Reef being great again has stolen my climate changehood.” One Extinction Rebellion member said they should have poured the 1000 litres of oil they hosed over the Melbourne Cup… Read More Climate alarmists furious at the Great Barrier Reef for being better than ever

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Twitter adds “thought CAPTCHAs” to protect users from opposing thought

Twitter today has announced a new security measure by adding thought CAPTCHAs to block ideas or arguments that challenge the leftist echo chamber safe space before they happen. “Our thoughts and opinions are so airtight that we simply can’t allow exposing our users to other viewpoints,” said one Twitter representative. “So, it’s best we cancel… Read More Twitter adds “thought CAPTCHAs” to protect users from opposing thought

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Progressive tradie identifies as oi/c*nt 

One local tradie today has chosen the pronouns of oi/cunt, claiming anybody who rejects the tradesmxn’s gender identity is a bigot who should be cancelled and have their and their family’s life ruined on Twitter. His fellow tradies have labelled the move as pointless attention-seeking. “That’s what we call the cunt anyway,” said one colleague.… Read More Progressive tradie identifies as oi/c*nt 

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Blockade Australia protesters take the day off due to cold weather

Blockade Australia have taken today off from chucking rubbish about the place and screaming at people going to work in the name of the environment, as it was “far too chilly to be outside today in Sydney”. “Not even a hot activated almond soy latte could get me out from under the doona today,” said… Read More Blockade Australia protesters take the day off due to cold weather

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Greens leader didn’t stand for Australian flag as knees crook from kneeling to China

Greens Leader Adam Brandt today has revealed the reason he couldn’t stand for the Australian flag was due to his knees being absolutely buggered from kneeling to China. The Greens have said that the communist country poses “no threat to Australia”, further stating that any negativity towards China was “actually racist”, and the Australian government… Read More Greens leader didn’t stand for Australian flag as knees crook from kneeling to China

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Local who’s “never been wrong” discovers intelligent life inside echo chamber.

Unproudly sponsored by TaxiBox A stay-at-home twelfth-year student has discovered comfort in an echo chamber within a TaxiBox storage unit outside his parents’ Sydney chateau. “I’ve finally met that special someone who says exactly what I demand other people think,” the self-proclaimed woke-ologist said. “And that person happens to be the most respected life form… Read More Local who’s “never been wrong” discovers intelligent life inside echo chamber.

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The Left Now Siding with No Voters as Poll Reveals They’re the Minority

The left has made a dramatic shift in who they support in the same-sex marriage plebiscite today, after a poll revealed that no voters are a minority group, which automatically qualifies them for complete backing from the left. A spokesperson for the left said determining who to champion and who to destroy is fluid and… Read More The Left Now Siding with No Voters as Poll Reveals They’re the Minority

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