Twitter users getting shredded by “literarily shaking right now”

Twitter users are getting in phenomenal physical shape, burning thousands of calories “literally shaking right now” over everything for hours. One user said the results had been nothing short of sorcery. “Every area of my body was a problem area,” said the Twitter user and moderator of r/Australia. “But the weight has been melting after… Read More Twitter users getting shredded by “literarily shaking right now”

Music videos played in gyms producing anabolic trouser growth

Gymgoers are reporting phenomenal groin gains from the choice of saucy music clips played while trying to work out. “I tripled in size during a single warmup,” said one fitness fanatic. “I’ve never been so swole.” Some gym members aren’t as pleased about the video girth-supplements. “I had such an intense sausage pump after Kylie… Read More Music videos played in gyms producing anabolic trouser growth

Personal training service launched where the trainer does the workout for you

A service launched in Sydney today that allows “time-poor” clients to relax while personal trainers work out on their behalf. The new service, called Fitness 4 U, is designed for busy Sydneysiders who’d rather be drinking at work, drinking at the pub, or drinking at home than exercise. One of the first members of the… Read More Personal training service launched where the trainer does the workout for you

New Personal Training Service Where Trainers do the Workout for You

A service launched in Sydney today that allows “time-poor” clients to relax while personal trainers work out on their behalf. The new service, called Fitness 4 U, is designed for busy Sydneysiders who’d rather be drinking at work, drinking at the pub, or drinking at home than exercise. One of the first members of the… Read More New Personal Training Service Where Trainers do the Workout for You

Man had “Nothing to Wear” on Run this Morning

A Clovelly man is in danger of missing his daily run along the coastal path to Bondi this morning after realising he had “nothing to wear”, even though his closet was packed full of designer workout gear, joggers made by NASA and colour-coordinated drink bottles. The man said he “just wasn’t feeling” any of his… Read More Man had “Nothing to Wear” on Run this Morning

Friends Relieved as Regular Junkie Becomes Steroid-taking Gym Junkie

A Sydney banker has become the pin-up boy for white-collar-style addiction recovery after switching from heroin to more socially accepted drugs. “We were all so worried when he was shooting up loser drugs like heroin and we’re so impressed he’s turned his life around like this,” one colleague said. “Now he only injects steroids into… Read More Friends Relieved as Regular Junkie Becomes Steroid-taking Gym Junkie

New Tinder for Gym Junkies app allows Fitness Folk to Hook Up with Themselves

A new version of the popular hook-up-with-as-many-people-as-you-can app, Tinder, allows those who spend hours admiring themselves in the mirror inside the gym, to admire themselves outside of the gym as well. A spokesperson for the app, titled Tinder Swole, said the app cleverly matches the user with themselves, so they can truly find the love… Read More New Tinder for Gym Junkies app allows Fitness Folk to Hook Up with Themselves

Gym Employee Jailed for Revealing Membership Prices Up Front

A receptionist at a popular chain of Sydney gyms was today sentenced to 60 years in prison for revealing the gym’s joining fee and monthly payments up front and honestly. “This was a serious violation of our rules,” a spokesperson for the gym said. “The highly secretive pricing structure of gym memberships should only be… Read More Gym Employee Jailed for Revealing Membership Prices Up Front