Acquaintances out of stories about their shared mate who’s running late

Two men are running critically short of things to talk about after stretching the limit of stories about the mate they share as he runs late to the pub. “I’m circling the bowl here,” said one of the men. “I’ve even started making up stories about the one mate we have in common to keep… Read More Acquaintances out of stories about their shared mate who’s running late

Workers Return from Holidays Feeling Refreshed Hatred for their Jobs

Billions of Sydneysiders have returned to work today feeling refreshed hatred for their jobs after experiencing two weeks of life outside the office. One man said he’d always known going to work was “balls”, but that after enjoying such luxuries as seeing his wife and kids and eating lunch away from his keyboard over the… Read More Workers Return from Holidays Feeling Refreshed Hatred for their Jobs

Poor Kids on Santa’s Naughty List for 4,000th Year Straight

Poor kids are simply not as nice as their wealthy counterparts, it has been proven once again this morning, with children from low-income families receiving far fewer presents than those from rich families. “Santa couldn’t be clearer on the issue; if you’re on the nice list you get the good presents and lots of them,… Read More Poor Kids on Santa’s Naughty List for 4,000th Year Straight

Winfield Launches Optimum Ice Crush cigarettes

Winfield has described its new Optimum Ice Crush darts as “smokes for a new generation” at a product launch today. The durry features the similar NASA-developed technology as the brand’s Optimum Crush product, which contains a crushable mint pellet that releases a menthol-like taste from first to last drag. A spokesperson said evolving the popular line… Read More Winfield Launches Optimum Ice Crush cigarettes

Sunday Drinkers Claim Hangover “Impossible” after Such a Nice Day

A group of men and women still going hard at it since meeting for a quiet Sunday lunch are telling themselves the perfect weather conditions have made them hangover proof. One elbow-lifter said excessive Sunday alcohol consumption didn’t bother him one bit. “Mate, it’s a nice day, the sun’s out, and we’re sticking to just… Read More Sunday Drinkers Claim Hangover “Impossible” after Such a Nice Day

Man Pulls Out at $290 on the Pokies to Avoid Compulsory Nose Bag Shout

A Sydney man enjoying a purple patch on the sentimental favourite pokie he grew up with, Spring Carnival, decided to call it quits and cash out at $290 so his spectating pals didn’t enforce the compulsory rule of shouting everyone a nose bag if your winnings exceed $300. The man said hitting collect was one… Read More Man Pulls Out at $290 on the Pokies to Avoid Compulsory Nose Bag Shout

Man in Hospital After Early Uber Arrival Forces Him to Skol 400 Beers

A Sydney man is in hospital with chronic drunkenness pains after the Uber he ordered to take him to the pub arrived four minutes early, forcing him to drink 400 of his 680 pre-drinks beers in under 30 seconds. A government health spokesperson has slammed Uber, calling for an “urgent review” of the ride-sharing service.… Read More Man in Hospital After Early Uber Arrival Forces Him to Skol 400 Beers

Mystery Surrounds Phone that Dies when Owner Asked to Share Uber

A Sydney man’s phone consistently runs out of battery the exact moment an Uber needs to be booked on a night out, a special investigation into the matter has been told. Friends said they raised the alarm after the man reported his phone’s mysterious behaviour for the ninth weekend in a row. “He always seems… Read More Mystery Surrounds Phone that Dies when Owner Asked to Share Uber