Tag: covid

Novak Djokovic welcomed back into Australia after identifying as an ISIS bride

Professional tennis player Novak Djokovic has been welcomed back into Australia after identifying as an ISIS bride, taking advantage of the Australian government fast tracking the return of citizens who fled to fight for the caliphate. The 20-time Grand Slam winner was famously deported from Australia earlier this year for failing to meet the strict… Read More Novak Djokovic welcomed back into Australia after identifying as an ISIS bride

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“We can’t tell men to stop rooting multiple men” says government that stopped everybody doing anything for two years

Despite monkeypox disproportionately affecting gay men, the government says there’s nothing they can think of possibly doing to prevent a virus transmitted mainly through gay sex between men, despite banning everything from dancing to drinking a beer upright for Covid. “Gay sex with multiple partners is deemed an essential activity,” said one government spokesperson. “So,… Read More “We can’t tell men to stop rooting multiple men” says government that stopped everybody doing anything for two years

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Children rejoice as Joe Biden loses sense of smell after catching Covid

It has been confirmed today that US president Joe Biden has contracted Covid, despite having hourly vaccine shots to fight off the virus and wearing at least seven adamantium face masks at all times. Joe Biden’s symptoms are reported to be mild. However, in a devastating blow to the president’s love of smelling children’s hair… Read More Children rejoice as Joe Biden loses sense of smell after catching Covid

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Public urged to present to hospital months before getting sick to avoid death

The Minister for Health, Dr Nonstrife, has blamed patients for failing to present to their local emergency department months before experiencing symptoms from heart explosion to genital leprosy. “With waiting room times averaging three weeks, by the time we’re ready to see the patient, they’re usually already dead, which is the height of rudeness,” said… Read More Public urged to present to hospital months before getting sick to avoid death

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