“We can’t tell men to stop rooting multiple men” says government that stopped everybody doing anything for two years

Despite monkeypox disproportionately affecting gay men, the government says there’s nothing they can think of possibly doing to prevent a virus transmitted mainly through gay sex between men, despite banning everything from dancing to drinking a beer upright for Covid. “Gay sex with multiple partners is deemed an essential activity,” said one government spokesperson. “So,… Read More “We can’t tell men to stop rooting multiple men” says government that stopped everybody doing anything for two years

Children rejoice as Joe Biden loses sense of smell after catching Covid

It has been confirmed today that US president Joe Biden has contracted Covid, despite having hourly vaccine shots to fight off the virus and wearing at least seven adamantium face masks at all times. Joe Biden’s symptoms are reported to be mild. However, in a devastating blow to the president’s love of smelling children’s hair… Read More Children rejoice as Joe Biden loses sense of smell after catching Covid

Public urged to present to hospital months before getting sick to avoid death

The Minister for Health, Dr Nonstrife, has blamed patients for failing to present to their local emergency department months before experiencing symptoms from heart explosion to genital leprosy. “With waiting room times averaging three weeks, by the time we’re ready to see the patient, they’re usually already dead, which is the height of rudeness,” said… Read More Public urged to present to hospital months before getting sick to avoid death