Tag: Breaking

Centrelink recipient scores long service leave after celebrating ten years on Newstart

Today, a Sydney Centrelink recipient has been rewarded for his continuous loyal service to Centrelink for reaching the ten-year mark on Newstart. The man will be given eight weeks’ leave from reporting with full benefits. “I was quickly running out of reporting fake or over skilled jobs that I had as much hope as Peter… Read More Centrelink recipient scores long service leave after celebrating ten years on Newstart

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Light Rail workers depressed about going back to work as project wraps up

Depression has kicked in for Sydney Light Rail workers as the multi-billion dollar project comes to an end after 22 years. “I can’t even remember what my job was,” one tradie said. “But luckily I haven’t forgotten how to build a solid compo claim.” Another worker slammed his peers for being so lazy. “These men… Read More Light Rail workers depressed about going back to work as project wraps up

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Workers Return from Holidays Feeling Refreshed Hatred for their Jobs

Billions of Sydneysiders have returned to work today feeling refreshed hatred for their jobs after experiencing two weeks of life outside the office. One man said he’d always known going to work was “balls”, but that after enjoying such luxuries as seeing his wife and kids and eating lunch away from his keyboard over the… Read More Workers Return from Holidays Feeling Refreshed Hatred for their Jobs

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Poor Kids on Santa’s Naughty List for 4,000th Year Straight

Poor kids are simply not as nice as their wealthy counterparts, it has been proven once again this morning, with children from low-income families receiving far fewer presents than those from rich families. “Santa couldn’t be clearer on the issue; if you’re on the nice list you get the good presents and lots of them,… Read More Poor Kids on Santa’s Naughty List for 4,000th Year Straight

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Australia Post Claims Wrongly Delivered Mail Result of Nationwide Secret Santa Program

Australia Post has been deliberately sending the wrong mail to people across the country for years as part of a top-secret nationwide secret Santa program, according to a statement released by the company’s PR team today. “We’ve been secretly bringing the magic of Christmas to people all throughout the year for as long as we… Read More Australia Post Claims Wrongly Delivered Mail Result of Nationwide Secret Santa Program

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Winfield Launches Optimum Ice Crush cigarettes

Winfield has described its new Optimum Ice Crush darts as “smokes for a new generation” at a product launch today. The durry features the similar NASA-developed technology as the brand’s Optimum Crush product, which contains a crushable mint pellet that releases a menthol-like taste from first to last drag. A spokesperson said evolving the popular line… Read More Winfield Launches Optimum Ice Crush cigarettes

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Man Dies from Shock after Receiving Bobs and Vagene Pics

A man died from category-12 shock in front of his computer today after actually receiving the “bobs and vagene pics” he had asked a stranger to send him. A friend of the man said he was just a harmless sex pest who would be missed. “He always started out innocently enough with a ‘hi butiful’ or… Read More Man Dies from Shock after Receiving Bobs and Vagene Pics

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Dr Google Makes Record Number of Cancer Diagnoses

Dr Google is being recognised as the world’s most efficient medical professional, after figures were revealed indicating it has diagnosed more cases of cancer than all other doctors combined. Patients, who have been diagnosed with various types of cancer after researching symptoms such as a mild headache, unwanted erection or hangover, say conventional doctors just… Read More Dr Google Makes Record Number of Cancer Diagnoses

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Schools Introduce Pill Testing to Ensure Students are Sufficiently Medicated

Schools across the state are set to introduce pill testing this month, in a bid to verify the quality of the wide variety of medications students are prescribed, ranging from mood stabiliser injections to peanut blockers. A NSW government health spokesperson told The Sydney Sentinel that the move would save lives. “Unmedicated students are challenging to teach and… Read More Schools Introduce Pill Testing to Ensure Students are Sufficiently Medicated

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