Maroubra council is set to launch Pokies by the Sea, a new beach-side exhibition designed to rival the hugely popular Sculpture by the Sea event that takes place along the coastal walk between Bondi to Bronte. Organisers have promised to include “all the classic titles, such as Big Red and Lightning Cash” in the exhibition,… Read More Pokies by The Sea to compete with Sculpture by The Sea
Ordinary-looking men are converting to Hipsterism en masse after discovering their odds of pulling a Ron Coote is a sure thing by donning ironic football beanies, wearing clear-brimmed glasses, smoking White Ox, and speaking with vocal fry. Combined with bum-fluff moustaches for skinny Hipstorians, or full beards for portly Hipbros, these men now have to… Read More Unattractive bloke now “cute” hipster
It has been revealed today that nobody cares where or who consenting adults decide to throw their bellend into during the darker hours. “I’ve popped my diamond cutter into plaster surgical gloves, a rotisserie chicken, and a greengrocer’s worth of fruit,” said one man. “It’s not pride. It’s not sin. It’s just what it is.”… Read More REPORT: nobody cares where you stick your dong
Me First gym has opened in Bondi this week, providing locals with what the gym says is “none of the unnecessary exercise fads like weights and treadmills” to free up the space for thousands of mirrors covering every single surface for selfies. “The most important part about exercise is letting everybody on social media know… Read More Gym opens in Bondi with just mirrors
One local man was furious today after wasting his lunch break getting an authentic Thai massage at a Thai massage parlour. “The masseuse suddenly said I was done, but I was far from finished,” the man said. “She massaged every part of my body except the one part that was standing to attention.” The man… Read More Man furious after discovering legit Thai massage parlour
Retail workers across Australia are now permitted to fight one customer per day to the death, which retail staff have said is well overdue. “It’s going to be tricky determining who to cash my fight allowance on,” said one retail worker. “But I tell you what, I will sure make it counts.” The Minister for… Read More Retail workers permitted to fight one customer per day under new laws
Over a million people have died in a horror summer at Bondi beach, where lifeguards have been preoccupied with filming new episodes of Channel Ten’s Bondi Rescue. “Unfortunately, not all rescues make for good TV, and we have to prioritise those that do,” one Bondi lifeguard said. “If you plan on visiting our beach and… Read More Millions drown as lifeguards preoccupied filming Bondi Rescue
Cardinal George Pell, a man of God who went against the grain to criticise those who used their position in the Church for their personal gain, has had his death celebrated by the sewers of social media by purple-hair types who only know how to take, rather than give. George Pell spent years fighting against… Read More Love is love crowd celebrate the death of a man who dedicated his life stamping out criminality in his Church
The Voice to parliament, which has been so softly spoken it has revealed nothing, is set to reintroduce the Great Dividing Range and separate Australian citizens into those who were here the longest vs migrants who arrived recently. “We used to be one people striving to better the country for everybody,” said one low-ranking Australian… Read More The Voice set to reintroduce new Great Dividing Range
The Sydney Sentinel 