Progressive tradie identifies as oi/c*nt 

One local tradie today has chosen the pronouns of oi/cunt, claiming anybody who rejects the tradesmxn’s gender identity is a bigot who should be cancelled and have their and their family’s life ruined on Twitter. His fellow tradies have labelled the move as pointless attention-seeking. “That’s what we call the cunt anyway,” said one colleague.… Read More Progressive tradie identifies as oi/c*nt 

Census reveals self-worship as Australia’s fastest-growing religion

2021 Census data has revealed that most Australians have put themselves down as their own God, labelling thousands of years of humans trying to figure out how to live well as “outdated” and “too much work”. With 84% of Australians identifying as influencers, the trend of self-worship sees no sign of slowing down, with morals… Read More Census reveals self-worship as Australia’s fastest-growing religion

Blockade Australia protesters take the day off due to cold weather

Blockade Australia have taken today off from chucking rubbish about the place and screaming at people going to work in the name of the environment, as it was “far too chilly to be outside today in Sydney”. “Not even a hot activated almond soy latte could get me out from under the doona today,” said… Read More Blockade Australia protesters take the day off due to cold weather

Qantas pilots forced to deliver Uber Eats to make ends meet

Qantas pilots today have said they will begin to deliver food for Uber Eats to hungry Australians, so they can still “put food on their own table” while flights are being delayed, cancelled, or missing. “Don’t worry, we’re not delivering Qantas in-flight meals, lol,” said one pilot. “And just like your regular bicycle courier, we… Read More Qantas pilots forced to deliver Uber Eats to make ends meet

Greens leader didn’t stand for Australian flag as knees crook from kneeling to China

Greens Leader Adam Brandt today has revealed the reason he couldn’t stand for the Australian flag was due to his knees being absolutely buggered from kneeling to China. The Greens have said that the communist country poses “no threat to Australia”, further stating that any negativity towards China was “actually racist”, and the Australian government… Read More Greens leader didn’t stand for Australian flag as knees crook from kneeling to China

Opera House rebranded Deep House because nobody likes opera

The Sydney Opera House is set to be transformed into a club dedicated to electronic dance music and renamed the Sydney Deep House in a bid to revitalise the ageing icon. “Nobody actually likes opera anymore, and to tell the truth I’m not sure if anyone ever enjoyed it,” a spokesperson for the Sydney Opera… Read More Opera House rebranded Deep House because nobody likes opera

Melbourne one-ups Sydney by ordering $25 billion rainbow flag

Reacting to NSW’s new $25 million Aboriginal flag on top of the Sydney Harbour Bridge, the Victorian government has announced it will not be out-woked by constructing an enormous $25 billion rainbow flag that will cover most of Melbourne. “Cop that, Sydney,” said Victoria’s Minister of Flagpoles. “This $25 billion flag will prove that Melbourne… Read More Melbourne one-ups Sydney by ordering $25 billion rainbow flag

“Mickey” Klim’s Olympic comeback destroyed after transgender ban

Australia’s Michael Klim’s recent transition to Mickey Klim to compete in the women’s division has been destroyed after FINA banned transgender athletes from elite swimming competition. “Shit,” said Mickey Klim. “I’m too old to compete in the men’s division, but a small change of my name and a pink bow on my noggin qualified me… Read More “Mickey” Klim’s Olympic comeback destroyed after transgender ban