Woke fail as NRL jersey depicting Muhammad rejected by everybody

Another move intended to make Rugby League teams look good by pandering to minority groups has failed today, as the Canterbury-Bankstown Bulldogs revealed their new jerseys for Islam Round – featuring an image of the Prophet Muhammad – offended everybody in Australia. Visual depictions of the Prophet Muhammad are banned, leading to every single player… Read More Woke fail as NRL jersey depicting Muhammad rejected by everybody

Chinese Tourist Accidentally Wins the Bushman’s Blow Muster

A tourist from China has taken out first place in the 2017 Bushman’s Blow Muster, after impressing judges as he cleared his nasal passages while walking past the competition in Sydney’s Martin Place today. The annual competition rates contestants on how well they can perform a “Bushies’ Blow”, which involves evacuating your nasal passage by holding… Read More Chinese Tourist Accidentally Wins the Bushman’s Blow Muster

CBD Jogging Hero Claims He’s More Important than Everybody

A city jogger has exclusively told the Sydney Sentinel and everybody else he barges into that he is far more important than regular pedestrians, and so is his tiny running backpack. “I’d put my status up there with a footpath cyclist,” said the runner and keen banker. “Even if you’re in the right, you’ll be… Read More CBD Jogging Hero Claims He’s More Important than Everybody

Commuters told to tackle people standing side-by-side on escalators

People who ride side-by-side on elevators, blocking those stuck behind them, can expect to be spear tackled by fellow commuters from today, following new rules announced by City of Sydney officials. The move comes after years of research from the University of Bankstown discovered that escalator blockers – along with taxi drivers and Lycra cyclists… Read More Commuters told to tackle people standing side-by-side on escalators

Bernard Tomic to retire from tennis and launch soccer career

Australian tennis player Bernard Tomic has announced his retirement from the game with plans to launch a soccer career, citing “better pay and a well-established culture of diva antics” as reasons for the move. The announcement came just hours after Tomic, a Gold Coast local, pulled out of a match in Acapulco due to “unbearable”… Read More Bernard Tomic to retire from tennis and launch soccer career

Former Rugby League Player Found Alive at 37

A 37-year-old former prop who played three games professionally before retiring when medics pronounced him a cripple has been found alive and well in his studio apartment in Penrith, in a discovery that has stunned the rugby league world. The man credited his survival to an “unusual ability to follow instructions”, noting that after spending… Read More Former Rugby League Player Found Alive at 37

NRL to Boost Crowds by Putting Retired Legend on Every Team’s Roster

Following the positive reaction to Ruben Wiki’s acceptance into the NRL Nines tournament, the National Rugby League board is drafting an emergency change to the 2017 season requiring all clubs to field a retired player in each game. Players have welcomed the move, with retired star John Hopoate among the first to put his hand… Read More NRL to Boost Crowds by Putting Retired Legend on Every Team’s Roster