Millions drown as lifeguards preoccupied filming Bondi Rescue

Over a million people have died in a horror summer at Bondi beach, where lifeguards have been preoccupied with filming new episodes of Channel Ten’s Bondi Rescue. “Unfortunately, not all rescues make for good TV, and we have to prioritise those that do,” one Bondi lifeguard said. “If you plan on visiting our beach and… Read More Millions drown as lifeguards preoccupied filming Bondi Rescue

Love is love crowd celebrate the death of a man who dedicated his life stamping out criminality in his Church

Cardinal George Pell, a man of God who went against the grain to criticise those who used their position in the Church for their personal gain, has had his death celebrated by the sewers of social media by purple-hair types who only know how to take, rather than give. George Pell spent years fighting against… Read More Love is love crowd celebrate the death of a man who dedicated his life stamping out criminality in his Church

The Voice set to reintroduce new Great Dividing Range

The Voice to parliament, which has been so softly spoken it has revealed nothing, is set to reintroduce the Great Dividing Range and separate Australian citizens into those who were here the longest vs migrants who arrived recently. “We used to be one people striving to better the country for everybody,” said one low-ranking Australian… Read More The Voice set to reintroduce new Great Dividing Range

Ugly people banned from Bondi coastal walk

Checkpoints will be set up at the entrances to the popular coastal walkbetween Bondi to Coogee in a bid to weed out ugly people and others who mightruin perfect selfie opportunities for beautiful people. Chloe, a 22-year-old Tamarama local who describes herself as an“entrepreneur/model/beauty blogger”, will be responsible for policing the Bondientrance to the walk… Read More Ugly people banned from Bondi coastal walk

Workers return from holidays with refreshed hatred for their Jobs

Billions of Australians are set to return to work tomorrow feeling refreshed hatred for their jobs after experiencing two weeks of life outside the office. One man said he’d always known going to work was “balls”, but after enjoying such luxuries as seeing his wife and kids and eating lunch away from his keyboard over… Read More Workers return from holidays with refreshed hatred for their Jobs

“Tough guy” who killed 25 terrorists traumatised from brother giving him daily swirlies

Prince Harry has stated in his new book that despite being a super soldier that killed 25 terrorists, he had no defence from his brother dunking his head in the toilet. The bullshit artist formerly known as Prince, who has converted to victimism, said despite being such a tough guy himself, his brother was a… Read More “Tough guy” who killed 25 terrorists traumatised from brother giving him daily swirlies

Summernats: Where boys become men and men grow mullets

The Nations’ Capital, usually a tepid meeting place for politicians, has this weekend been transformed into a high-octane paradise for petrolheads, as thousands of grease-stained enthusiasts converge upon the town for Summernats #35. Devoted lovers of Holdens, Fords, Chevy’s and everything to do with mechanical muscle are here to enjoy four days of cruising the… Read More Summernats: Where boys become men and men grow mullets

REPORT: Experts cite active wear for men’s renewed interest in shopping

Men across Australia have suddenly found a keen urge to spend their free time hanging out in shopping centres, an activity that used to be shunned by men, despite how many holes they have in their weathered underwear. “I used to avoid going to the shops at all costs, being far too busy focusing my… Read More REPORT: Experts cite active wear for men’s renewed interest in shopping