Mask mandates return for Sydney Mardi Gras weekend

The Premier of NSW has reinstated strict mask mandates for Sydney over the Mardi Gras weekend, requiring all citizens to wear surgical masks over their backside to help prevent the spread of monkeypox.

The Minister for STDs Not Allowed To Be Called STDs commented on the issue.

“Unfortunately, pride is not a vaccine against monkeypox,” said the minister. “So, we’ve reintroduced mask mandates in Sydney this weekend to help stop the spread of the virus, which is transmitted through rigorous backdoor socials with the boys.”

The virus itself has been slammed for being homophobic.

“Monkeypox encourages outdated behaviour such as sex between a man and a woman, which everybody from kindergarten age up knows is disgusting in 2023,” said one person beyond gender classification. “How dare this virus tell men to be a bit careful where they stick their pride pipe.”

One happily married gay couple disagrees. “These blokes are literally ass clowns. Perhaps they could try something as unthinkable as being with one fella they love? There’s nothing to be proud of by racking up cricket scores.”

In protest against the virus, a massive gang bang will be held in public tonight, which organisers of the protest say will send a clear message that you cannot tell anybody from the LGBTQIA+ community what to do.

Adding, “We tell everybody else how to think and what to do, not the other way around.”

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