A family’s evening of screen time alone in separate rooms of the house was destroyed tonight after mum brought everybody around the dining table to share a home-cooked meal.

“It was literally the worst night of my life,” said the mother’s daughter. “Nobody knew what to say, and the meal wasn’t even good enough to post on Instagram. Dad also called me champ, making me think he doesn’t remember my name.”

The roast, which took mum nine hours to prepare, only took the family four minutes to be done with, but they claim it was the longest night of their life.

“I forgot my daughter’s name, panicked, and called her champ,” admitted dad. “The last thing anybody wants to do after a hard day of work is spend time with their family.”

The mother’s teenage son also found the unusual event traumatic.

“Does mum think she’s Uber Eats or something?” questioned the son. “If so, she better be ready for a scathing review, as how does she expect me to appreciate OnlyFans with both hands occupied with a knife and fork?”

Mum has since apologised for her poor judgement and promised the family won’t have to talk or dine with each other again until Christmas.