A local man who accomplished nothing over the weekend is having a late one brainstorming exciting stories to tell colleagues when they ask what he got up to during his two days of freedom.

“I spent the entire weekend home alone boozing, playing video games, eating, and… worse,” the man said.

“People who leave the house make my weekend sound cripplingly dull, so tomorrow, I’ll be prepared with fake stories of barbecues and Tinder dates to make me sound like I have a life. I even tagged myself at a posh restaurant I never went to or can pronounce.”

The man isn’t alone, with 90 per cent of people inventing stories about their weekends to make themselves appear interesting to co-workers, according to a CSIRO study, which found that the entire exercise was based on the misconception that people who ask about colleagues’ weekends actually listen to the response.

“People can prevent weekend-performance anxiety by understanding that nobody cares what you did,” a CSIRO researcher said.

“It’s a rhetorical question, like asking someone how their genital warts are going.”