Ordinary-looking men are converting to Hipsterism en masse after discovering their odds of pulling a Ron Coote is a sure thing by donning ironic football beanies, wearing clear-brimmed glasses, smoking White Ox, and speaking with vocal fry.

Combined with bum-fluff moustaches for skinny Hipstorians, or full beards for portly Hipbros, these men now have to hide behind a rock to stop panties from spontaneously hitting the floor.

“Ugly is the new handsome,” one recent convert said. “Before I converted to Hipsterism, I couldn’t score a handshake in a brothel, but now I’m reaching bag limits at the local watering hole every evening.”

Another convert said being ugly on his terms was empowering but hard work.

“The carefully careless look can take up to eight hours some mornings,” the man said. “But luckily, I don’t have one of those pesky job things.”

Regular good-looking hipsters haven’t been happy with how much attention their unfortunate-looking brethren have received.

“It’s become impossible to compete with these guys,” one attractive hipster said.

“I may have to take a few faceplants off the skateboard I’ve never used to compete with these blow-ins.”