REPORT: nobody cares where you stick your dong

It has been revealed today that nobody cares where or who consenting adults decide to throw their bellend into during the darker hours.

 “I’ve popped my diamond cutter into plaster surgical gloves, a rotisserie chicken, and a greengrocer’s worth of fruit,” said one man. “It’s not pride. It’s not sin. It’s just what it is.”

The Minister for Erections agrees.

“People think putting their chub in more cracks than Tony Greig’s keys is some sort of accomplish,” adding, “pride is achieving greatest, not something you’re born with.”

Alphabet people disagree.

“My entire personality is based on cornholing blokes several times a week,” he said. “My job as a senior barrister has nothing on that level of importance. Plus, I also get to wave a rainbow flag 24/7, which signifies I’m a good person now that mask mandates have been dropped.”

Despite the different opinions on both sides, 99% of Australians think who consenting adults bone is the most boring thing about a person.

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