Ugly people banned from Bondi coastal walk

Checkpoints will be set up at the entrances to the popular coastal walk
between Bondi to Coogee in a bid to weed out ugly people and others who might
ruin perfect selfie opportunities for beautiful people.

Chloe, a 22-year-old Tamarama local who describes herself as an
“entrepreneur/model/beauty blogger”, will be responsible for policing the Bondi
entrance to the walk on weekends.

“I’ve worked on the door at all of Sydney’s best clubs, so I really know the
sorts of things to look out for,” she said in response to questions about her
qualifications for the role.

“If a woman isn’t wearing at least one Lululemon item and carrying a
turmeric latte, it’s unlikely I’ll let her in.”

India, 19, whose LinkedIn profile describes her as an
“entrepreneur/model/DJ”, will be stationed at the Coogee entrance. She
described the job as “a fat-free cake walk”.

“The process of natural selection and rise of cheap injectables mean there
aren’t a lot of ugly people in the eastern suburbs anyway,” she said, adding
that she would simply be pointing “undesirables” towards the less-crowded
Coogee to Maroubra walk.

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