REPORT: Experts cite active wear for men’s renewed interest in shopping

Men across Australia have suddenly found a keen urge to spend their free time hanging out in shopping centres, an activity that used to be shunned by men, despite how many holes they have in their weathered underwear.

“I used to avoid going to the shops at all costs, being far too busy focusing my leisure time at the local pub, bowling club, bar, RSL, or beer garden,” said one man. “But gee whizz, now I can’t get enough of the place, despite failing to browse a single store.”

Women confirm that men have zero interest in the shops themselves.

“It’s their version of window shopping,” said the partner of one man who has recently become a shopping centre enthusiast. “He doesn’t buy anything, but his eyeballing sure costs him his dignity.”

The Minister of Perving agrees.

“The rise of men suddenly wanting to go their local Westfield is related to the rise they get from seeing a smorgasbord of women wearing less than they would at a Brazillian beach,” said the minister.

Shopping centres have begun catering to the increase of men by placing courtesy chairs around the centre for men needing to sit down to avoid embarrassment or knocking delicates over in the David Jones fine China section.

“Breakages are up 2000%,” said one store owner. “Plus, for the first time ever, the men’s toilets have a far bigger queue than the women’s.”

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