Father Christmas has caught up with the times and identified as a non-binary gifting person in a move that has been labelled stunning and brave by Disney types.
With the change comes replacing the naughty and nice list with the privileged and victimised list, with those who play the victim the loudest receiving the most presents under their free-range activated trees.
“White people won’t get any presents this year,” said Santa (gift/giver). “Those of colour, or better still, inner-city trans Twitter users, will receive an absolute bounty. It would be racist to gift people equally.”
Redditors are thrilled with the move.
“As a victim, this move is way overdue,” said one user of the socialist platform. “Christmas is often a tough time for us victims who have to prepare Harry & Megan level speeches to share over Christmas lunch to ensure everybody knows how hard done by we are while cracking lobsters with the family.”
Others are less keen on the move but do see a silver lining.
“As a white cis male who works 80-hour weeks to raise a family of four, it’s a little disappointing to be deemed too privileged for our family to receive presents,” said one man. “However, I couldn’t afford Christmas this year anyway, so it gives me an easy way out.”
Despite the move, Ancient Romans still push to “change the date” as Christmas reflects a dark time when Jesus conquered them.