Families across Australia are set to talk to each other for the first time this year over Christmas lunch, in an event many families say is awkward and uncomfortable.
“I have no idea what this bloke’s interests are,” said one man about his son. “We live under the same roof but under many different screens and rooms of the house, so I’m puzzled what to even say to this young fella.”
Children are just as nervous about conversing with family members they live with.
“My relationship with my parents is more like that with an Uber driver. Silence is best,” said one teenager. “Sure, they drive me about and pay for stuff, but that’s where our bond ends.”
Mask mandates meant many families have gone years without talking to each other and are suffering severe anxiety pains over not only having their mouths exposed but having to use them.
The Minister for Small Talk confirmed that Christmas is difficult for families.
“Talking to real humans is a lost art,” said the minister. “So, I recommend parents and children practice conversations in front of a mirror before the big event.”
Those who have forgotten their children’s names have been recommended to use words like “champ” or “princess” to avoid embarrassment.