The Greens today has announced a new push to make illicit drugs from cocaine to heroin completely legal.
“You should be able to pop down to your local convenience store to pick up an eight ball of fentanyl,” said one Greens senator. “Illicit drugs open your mind to believe everything we say”.
“If you’re living life well, there’s nothing for drugs to fix,” said one man. “The fact they are pushing for illegal drugs to be over-the-counter proves they are not living life well and need mind-altering substances to cope with their regressive agenda.”
A Greens spokesperson disagrees.
“Taking drugs is a big part of being spiritual, like collecting rocks and sitting under a triangle. Plus, Australians are more comfortable than ever injecting experiential drugs into their bodies.”