One local man is suing Contiki Tours today after he managed to not pull one single root on his two-week European excursion.

“It was an absolute disgrace,” the man said. “Some greedy folks managed to hook up with multiple travellers throughout the trip, but I only had my iPhone with the volume turned down low for comfort.”

“No young person goes overseas to see the sights,” Australia’s Foreign Affairs Minister said. “So, I feel deeply for this man who returned only with a camera full of church photos.”

One of the luckier travellers on the man’s tour said he was aware of the problem and had tried to make things easier on him.

“We hung courtesy sheets down over our 16-bed dorm bunk beds to shield him from the main event, but he only complained it was like watching an adult shadow puppet show all night,” he said.

The legal team for Contiki has unearthed damning reports revealing that, prior to embarking on his doomed overseas trip, the man had failed to score a root at several of Parramatta Road’s brothels.