Channel Ten has announced today that it will replace The Project with an hour of ads to boost the program’s dismal ratings, which can reach as low as three people some nights, all believed to be asleep or dead so that they couldn’t change the channel.
Despite Waleed Aly reportedly “nailing it” every time he opens his mouth (which is oddly glued shut on any topic regarding the LGBTQ+ community), the hourly groupthink lesson couldn’t attract one sentient viewer.
Lisa Wilkinson, who managed to dethrone Waleed Aly as the most significant pest in Australia, only made things worse by joining The Project.
She parrotted nonsense from husband Pirate Pete, who is so concerned with rising sea levels, he lives in a waterfront mansion well away from any Aboriginal people he claims to champion, despite never meeting one.
Channel Ten have said the hour of ads replacing The Project would be “really good ones, including that Flex Tape guy who builds boats from screen doors, and older classics like Kylie Minogue in her undies riding a mechanical bull”.
Australians also hope this means we’ll never hear a “joke” from Peter Helliar again, who has received fewer laughs in his entire comedy career than Aussie legend Rodney Rude gets just standing there, doing nothing.