ABC launches dedicated Welcome to Country 24/7 channel

Australians can now be welcomed to their own country on demand with the launch of ABC Welcome to Country 24/7.

The “ancient” Welcome to Country ceremony was invented in 1974 to ward off evil spirits.

Some ABC employees are rightfully concerned they, themselves, may be warded off as the evil spirits Aboriginal people were attempting to banish.

“With the end of mask mandates, it’s getting harder to prove you’re a good person publicly,” said one ABC comrade. “So, ABC Welcome to Country 24/7 blaring from my iPhone’s speaker all day is far easier than carrying about a Ukrainian flag everywhere.”

Most Australians question the need for the $2.4b taxpayer-funded channel.

“As a migrant, am I some blow-in that needs constant permission to be here? Will they next rank our Australianness by the date you arrived in the country?”

Despite ABC employees preaching Aboriginal people as the “traditional custodians” of the country, none have offered the deeds of their vast property portfolios to such custodians.

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