One man’s day has been completely spoiled by waking up today.
“Everything was going brilliantly until I opened my eyes,” said the man. “I went from being with Rihanna at a theme park to the reality of having to carpool with Rupert to a business park.”
The man is not alone in dreading having a full 16 hours to battle before returning to sleep.
“Bed is fantastic,” said one man. “It’s comfortable, and being single, I can enjoy an entire rotisserie chicken in undisturbed darkness before drifting off.”
The Minister for Having to do Things said having to do things is important.
“We all love being unconscious, but unless you’re a Rugby League player, that’s not going to pay the bills.”
Despite the few seconds of terror after waking up, most Australians enjoy being useful during the day rather than contributing nothing by joining Adam Bandt’s glass oboe band.