Disney has announced they have recast their founder Walt Disney to suit today’s regressive tastes.
“We’ve transitioned from entertainment to re-education,” said Disney spokesperson Peter Phile (alphabet/Funko Pop). “We’ll be tearing down statues of Walt Disney across all our theme parks and erecting family-friendly statues of Walt as a transgender lesbian of colour with a club foot.”
The representative added Disney princesses will be replaced with drag queens, “as who better to teach moral decency to children?”
Not everyone agrees with the move.
“Toy Story was a fantastic movie with traditional values,” said one parent who has since been doxed. “I don’t think adding sex toys to the film’s rerelease is appropriate for either adults or children. However, I did chuckle that they recast Woody as a marital aid.”
Disney has further apologised for releasing its original movies in black and white, promising they will now only stream in black and black.
The retitled “Motorboating Willies” will hit Disney+ next week.