Greens leader calls for net-zero intelligence by 2030

Adam Bandt has called to reduce Australia’s IQ levels to net zero as his last hope to be taken seriously.

The dissentious Greens leader revealed that his party has no hope of winning a meat raffle, let alone a federal election if people are allowed to form critical thoughts for themselves.

“I’d go as far as saying free will and disagreeing with me is a hate crime,” said Bandt. “People who think for themselves reject my ideas, which can only be due to racism, homophobia or some other ism I’m brainstorming to shut down criticism and debate.”

Some of his initiatives to reach net zero intelligence has caused a backlash.

“Brandt wants to legalise cannabis use to adults over 18 months of age,” said one doctor. “Sure, this will dampen people’s mental capacity, but I still doubt that would be enough to dumb people down to the levels needed to vote for the Greens.”

Bandt has also outlined a plan to defund schools, ban every channel but ABC, and host a book burning.

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