Today’s Zoomers have turned to minimalism by ditching dated traditions like human companionship, employment, and responsibilities.
“Participating in the world is hard work, which is slavery or maybe racist,” said one Zoomer. “Anime dating sims aren’t going to play themselves, plus I’m in a relationship with numerous OnlyFans accounts which means my hands are always busy.”
One 40-year-old Zoomer who moderates r/australia said that despite suffering depression due to single-digit testosterone levels, it’s a justified price to pay for banning users who post challenging ideas – for free.
“I’m consistently literally shaking right now, so if I did own anything, I’d likely damage my possessions anyway. So, for me, minimalism is a necessity. Not that I could buy anything anyway, lol.”
The Minster for Youth isn’t as optimistic.
“We’re currently funding several bullying projects to turn boys into men. Easy times create weak men, and we’re currently experiencing a pandemic of man-children who can’t even answer a phone call, let alone answer the call to protect our country if needed.”
The Australian government is also considering banning soy milk, Disney and the Nintendo Switch.