Monday comes out as time fluid to identify as Friday night

The most despised day of the week, Monday, has today come out as Friday night in a move labelled stunning and brave.

“I’m sick and tired of the Gregorian patriarch introduced in 1582 as a way to dominate, oppress and exploit myself as the day people have to return to work,” Monday said. “And frankly, I’ve never felt like a Monday, so I wish to be called by my new pronouns of eating pizza/drunken mistakes going forward.”

The first day of the working week has universally copped animosity from humans of all genders and has been demonised with hate speech based simply on its date identity.

The Minster of Calendars has praised the move.

“The rise of dateism has made Monday the target for online bullying, villainised in everything from memes to Garfield comic strips. Days should never be judged by when they fall, especially when their date doesn’t reflect their astronomical assignment at birth.”

Further reports suggest Sunday night will also be undergoing date reassignment surgery to transition to Saturday afternoon.

Businesses are said to be concerned by the movement, fearful other workdays will reassign themselves to everything from public holidays to rostered days off.

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