Despite monkeypox disproportionately affecting gay men, the government says there’s nothing they can think of possibly doing to prevent a virus transmitted mainly through gay sex between men, despite banning everything from dancing to drinking a beer upright for Covid.

“Gay sex with multiple partners is deemed an essential activity,” said one government spokesperson. “So, it would be homophobic of us to educate those most affected by monkeypox with safety measures to protect both themselves and loved ones.”

One gay man said leftist ideology shouldn’t come before the health of his community.

“Hanging a rainbow flag over everything won’t help my community from the real-world threat to gay men that is monkeypox,” said the man. “Sadly, pride isn’t a vaccination against a virus they’re allowing to rip our people apart worse than a girthy membered gentleman on Grindr.”

Another gay man criticised the government for telling everybody to cover their mouth, ears, eyes and nose against Covid, but they are too fragile to warn gay men to cover just one thing to prevent monkeypox – their arse.

“They’re turning a blind eye to our blind eye.”