Keen road cyclist goes off footpath for the first time

One keen road cyclist with all the kit to appear he’s training for the Tour de France has been praised today for venturing off the footpath to ride on the road for the first time.

“I hope the man is an inspiration to other cyclists who fang it down the footpath burning more calories shouting at everybody than from cycling itself,” said one non-wheeled footpath user. “I was once worried he may shake his head clean off his neck when several elderly pedestrians slowed down his morning sprint through the suburbs.”

“Riding on the actual road was something I’ve dreamed of since I started cycling at 46 to prove I’m a good person by entering corporate charity rides,” admitted the man. “To prepare for the transition from footpath to road, I’ve installed eight more GoPros to my helmet to ensure anybody that causes me the slightest inconvenience will have their life ruined on Twitter.”

His first venture onto the road has had its difficulties. “On the road, people are constantly calling me a wanker, just for being a wanker,” said the man. “It’s also made it dangerous for me to go through red lights, which don’t apply to me since I’m not registered, meaning I don’t have to comply with road rules. Plus, I have a super important banking job to get to.”

The man will feature on Cycling Weekly Daily Monthly’s cover after recovering from being hit by a bus “that came out of nowhere” in the bus lane.

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