2021 Census data has revealed that most Australians have put themselves down as their own God, labelling thousands of years of humans trying to figure out how to live well as “outdated” and “too much work”.
With 84% of Australians identifying as influencers, the trend of self-worship sees no sign of slowing down, with morals such as “looking hot on Instagram”, “love thyself”, and “pride in things you were born with rather than actual achievements” being recorded as the core ideals to uphold.
“Being my own God is fantastic,” said one follower of Egoism. “It means I can be flexible on deciding what’s right and wrong to best suit my self-interests that day. Sadly, I’m more depressed and anxious than ever, so I must have to worship myself even harder to please my God.”
Self-worship has had some minor setbacks.
“It’s hard to agree on things that are best for me when everybody else is just as interested in controlling things to be best for themselves. So, we’ve decided to limit church membership numbers to one.”
Self-worshippers are required to make a pilgrimage to take a selfie at Bondi Icebergs once in their lifetime.