One local man has done it again and got himself into winter body shape to comfortably handle the cooler temperatures.
“I got myself into such great winter shape this year I can still wear shorts and a singlet to work, funerals, and even the bottle-o cool room,” said the portly man. “Nothing can penetrate my toasty exterior. I feel like a superhero, and kids must feel the same as they’re always pointing me out.”
One doctor said, “this bloke is what we would call the perfect patient. A healthy BMI to survive the winter chill is 3004.6, and this genius smashed that target.”
The man hopes to inspire others to build their own “human-hoodie” by sticking to non-fat options, which he says are “chock-full of vitamin sugar”.
The Minister of Environment further praised the man. “If only everybody followed in this man’s bigfoot steps, polluting electric heaters and lounge-room bonfires would be a thing of the past.”
Child climate soldier Greta Thunberg added rather than “stealing her dreams”, this man has “stolen her heart”.