Man “winter body ready” for the 11th year straight

One local man has done it again and got himself into winter body shape to comfortably handle the cooler temperatures.

“I got myself into such great winter shape this year I can still wear shorts and a singlet to work, funerals, and even the bottle-o cool room,” said the portly man. “Nothing can penetrate my toasty exterior. I feel like a superhero, and kids must feel the same as they’re always pointing me out.”

One doctor said, “this bloke is what we would call the perfect patient. A healthy BMI to survive the winter chill is 3004.6, and this genius smashed that target.”

The man hopes to inspire others to build their own “human-hoodie” by sticking to non-fat options, which he says are “chock-full of vitamin sugar”.

The Minister of Environment further praised the man. “If only everybody followed in this man’s bigfoot steps, polluting electric heaters and lounge-room bonfires would be a thing of the past.”

Child climate soldier Greta Thunberg added rather than “stealing her dreams”, this man has “stolen her heart”.

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