After calling Beyond Blue and hearing what a flaming tailspin the counsellor’s life is, one man has dramatically boosted his mood today.

“I thought my life was bad, but ouch,” said the man. “I ended up talking him off the ledge for a solid three hours.”

The counsellor said that people “get a real lift after hearing from people with worse problems than their own. We often even offer jobs to the most depressed callers to work here so they can help others in need.”

“Anxiety and depression are sadly more common than a hot dinner,” said the Minister of Brains. “The best thing I ever did was to stop thinking completely.”

Other doctor prescriptions such as “have a few schooners” and “harden up” have also been proven ineffective, with officials announcing “Beyond Beyond Blue” for particularly stubborn cases.

(Ed. If you are struggling – get professional help, know you’re not alone, and take things one minute at a time. You got this.)