ATMs across Australia will introduce a new option that will allow people to gamble their withdrawal amount, potentially doubling or even quadrupling their withdrawal if they select the correct colour or suit.

“It’s about damn time,” said the Minister of Money. “Banks were torpedoing us with $2 withdrawal fees for years, and now we can finally get them back.”

One man who suited his $20 to $80 was stoked. “I can now finally afford a lettuce. But they add nothing to anything, so I’ll probably buy myself a litre of petrol.”

Things haven’t gone so well for everybody, however. “I went with black instead of red and lost the lot. I might blame racism or something to try get it back.”

If the new option proves popular, banks have promised more exciting features to come to ATMs, like features and jackpot links.