A man who promised a “big one” with his mates is already tucked into bed and fast asleep at 7 pm.
“Things went bad early when he sharted after consuming two shandies at the RSL,” said his friend. “The worst part is, he does this every bloody time, talking up an epic bender full of all the usual boys’ night out ingredients like drugs, alcohol, and brothels.”
“This is both disappointing and disrespectful,” said the Minister of Binging. “He could have at least had a few toots of sharpener sugar to do his bit for his poor mates who are now left to complain about a level 11 hangover in the morning while he does something lamesauce like a run.”
Police are investigating the matter, and charges are expected to be made.
“I wouldn’t be surprised if he gets the chair,” said the police commissioner.