Two men are running critically short of things to talk about after stretching the limit of stories about the mate they share as he runs late to the pub.

“I’m circling the bowl here,” said one of the men. “I’ve even started making up stories about the one mate we have in common to keep some sort of conversation alive. I’m sure he knew it was the plot of Die Hard.”

“I can’t even remember this bloke’s name,” said the other man waiting for their mutual friend to arrive. “I’m thinking of hitting the pokies until this all blows over.”

Universal male conversation such as sport, sport, and sport has reportedly run dry, and they’ve moved onto women they’d like to cornhole.

“I made a bit of a blunder when I mentioned I’d like to pork his sister,” said one of the men. “I barely know the bloke, so I forgot they were related. It went down like Ebola.”

Both men have resorted to sharing mildly funny memes stored on their phones.

“This fucked me up even more when he saw my camera roll was jammers with his sister’s most blast-worthy social media pics.”