A man from country NSW is suffering from third-degree vocal cord tears after he personally greeted every single person he walked past during a short stroll in the big smoke today.
To make matters worse, not a single person acknowledged him in return, he told The Sydney Sentinel in an interview conducted via Morse code.
“I started out with the classic combo of a ‘g’day’ and a head nod, which is a big hit back home,” the man said. “After that failed to get a response, I tried alternating between ‘good morning’ and ‘how’s it going’ for a few hours before stripping things right back to ‘hello’. Nothing.”
The man estimates that he greeted approximately 12,345 people during his CBD stroll, which is 12,343 more people than he usually passes on a walk of a similar length back home.
The man’s luck didn’t change on his bus ride to the hospital, where everybody he smiled and nodded at or even just caught the eye of either moved away, got off the bus or asked if he was looking for a fight.
“It was almost like nobody cared about anyone,” he said. “International trends are always a bit slow to come to the country so it’s not my fault this happened but, when I get home, I’ll be sure to tell everyone about the turmeric lattes, strange beards, and rudeness I encountered to ensure no one else suffers these kinds of injuries.”
Unfortunately, shortly after leaving the hospital, the man said a “suspicious” hello to a police officer who took the greeting as a threat and used “reasonable force”, leaving the man paralysed from his eyebrows down.